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Below is one of the essays contained in the book.

CHOICES

by Kangas Sensei

It's hard to believe Seikikai has been in Seattle a few months short of 8 years. When Parks Sensei and I started children's classes, we did so with some reservation. We've seen classes at several schools but were not impressed. Aikido techniques, while fun, have attached to them a deep fundamental philosophy of respect, developed without the influence of competition.

When we first opened the school, parents would bring children because we were the closest school to their house. When we disciplined their children, ( temper tantrums, hitting, etc. ) the parents became upset and pulled their children from the class. Without exception the children ran the house and the parents were trying to appease the child with choices.

Over a period of time our school has developed to the point where we now turn down parents based on their attitude of who chooses the class, the person paying and responsible for the child's welfare ( the parent) or the child. If its only the child's choice then I prefer not to have that child disrupting and trying to run my class. Its better that child stays home and makes life miserable for the appropriate people.

Children are simply fickle and if trained consistently with their welfare in mind they will turn into responsible adults. Since teaching children I've talked to parents who were afraid their children wouldn't love them if they set limits for their children. If this is the case, Kangas Sensei would have to be the most hated human in Mountlake Terrace.

Children feel safer when choices are limited to the amount of responsibility they are able to pay the consequences for, or we wind up as adults who run away at the first sign that something is turning out to be a little harder than expected.

We are constantly trying to make classes more enjoyable for all our students without compromising the integrity of training. It is my hope you remain committed to your children. We are!

Parks Sensei adds:

Another problem for children without limits is that, sooner or later, other children (or adults if the children get that far) will set limits for them…and not with the love and kindness of a parent. We still often see the sign in the back of the mini-van that says "CHILD ON BOARD". But please remember that those words only mean something (as a rule) to the person driving the minivan.

No one cares about your children like you do. Setting limits now help to assure a well-adjusted and happy future. Giving your children too many options can do more harm than good. If you, as the parent, are paying for classes giving them the option to go or not to go to class actually limits the child. If the child really wants to do the class in the beginning, or if you decide that the child should do the class, let it be a lesson in consequences (cause and effect). That is, if you make a decision, you must face the consequences of that decision both good and bad.

Aikido offers specific benefits such as responsibility, respect, confidence, and training in confidence. If the child is not in class, they cannot learn these (and other) lessons. Remember, adults are supposed to train and guide children. Experience counts only if you learn from it and can pass it on. I'm sure you don't, on a regular basis, give your children the option of eating vegetables. Why? Experience shows that vegetables are beneficial. If you give your children religious training you don't say, for example, "You're not going back to Sunday School (or equivalent) until you learn to behave!"

The "it takes a village" concept has a certain validity in that we all have a responsibility to live and exhibit behavior that will positively benefit the next generation. The concept fails in that most people don't try to live up to the highest ideals and usually seek the "low road". The only way around this is to make sure that you always expose your children to the best influences and activities available. We hope that this is the reason you came to us, and if not, why you stay.